The Religion of Peace: An Essay

This is an essay typed somewhat hurriedly by Miss Celestine, who is currently being held captive on a spaceship in orbit and thus is unavailable if any readers wish to decapitate her. Also, please note that a lot of this information is pulled from the back of her memory, from when she used to be smarter. As a result, she may say something stupid. Thank you.



I. Islam, the Religion of Peace, and the Prophet Mohammed. All buzzwords that have, in recent days, made life difficult. In this essay, I am hoping to do a neat little summary of Islam, and interesting facts that people may not know about the "Religion of Peace".

Islam has existed for almost as long as Catholicism, coming into existence five hundred-some years after the death and resurrection of Christ. If, however, Mohammed is to be believed, then everyone from Adam down to Christ were Muslims, thereby making Christianity and Judaism little more than perversions.

But what of Mohammed himself, eh? Well, what better way to study a religion quickly than to look to its founder?

II. Mohammed -- Mohammed ibn Abdullah was born around 570 in Mecca. He was first married at 25 and claimed to begin receiving visions at the age of 40, from someone purported to be Gabriel. When his wife died after twenty-five years of marriage, he took two other women as wives--one a widow, and the other a six or seven year old girl (a marriage which remained unconsummated until she was about nine). As time went on, he began to acquire other wives, mostly for political reasons. He ended with approximately eleven wives; his initially six-year-old bride Aisha remained his favorite throughout all eleven.

When Mohammed began to receive visions, they were always accompanied by mysterious seizures. Mohammed maintained that he could separate what was said in the visions from his own thoughts, though it is not entirely known what he meant by saying it.

The first to believe Mohammed to be a prophet was none other than his first wife and several other relatives. As he gained notoriety, followers were attracted, and before long he had a socially significant following.
After a conflict in Mecca, Mohammed and his followers went to Medina. They stayed there for some time before an armed conflict arose.

Having been uprooted from their homes in Mecca, Mohammed's followers had no profession save of a mercenary quality. They took to looting the Meccan caravans for goods, thus first initiating conflict between the Muslims and Mecca. Mohammed produced several verses out of the Koran giving his followers sanction to fight the Meccans, and thus a conflict was born.
The attacks upon Meccan caravans pressured Mecca by interfering with their trade, and fundamentally allowed Mohammed's followers to become very rich and powerful, all the while working towards the ultimate goal--Mecca's submission to Islam. Mohammed led some three hundred of his followers in a raid on a Meccan merchant caravan, but information had slipped to the leaders of the caravan who successfully evaded the Muslims. This event sparked the Battle of Badr, which in its turn sparked total war between Mecca and Islam. The war would encompass the rest of Mohammed's life.

While in Medina, Mohammed expelled one of the three main Jewish tribes and ordered the assassination of a poet and poetess, both of whom had been critical of his rule. After each subsequent major battle in Mohammed's life, he expelled a different Jewish tribe (at one point leading Mohammed's followers to behead all the males and sell the females and children as slaves). One tribe in particular that had welcomed Mohammed and his followers to Medina was victim of this treatment; the only men who were spared beheading were ones who promised to convert to Islam.

III. The Koran, and the Contents thereof -- Islam maintains that the Koran was revealed by Allah to Mohammed through Gabriel over a period of about twenty-five years. It is regarded as the "miracle" of Mohammed, and proof that he was a prophet chosen by God. But what lies therein?

The Koran says this of Christians and Jews: "Believers, do not make friends with any but your own people...They desire nothing but your ruin....You believe in the entire Book...When they meet you they say: 'We, too, are believers.' But when alone, they bite their finger-tips with rage." (Surah 3:118, 119)

"Believers" addresses the following sentences to Mohammed's followers, or believers of Allah.

The Koran also says, "O you who believe! the idolaters are nothing but unclean, so they shall not approach the Sacred Mosque after this year; and if you fear poverty then Allah will enrich you out of His grace if He please; surely Allah is Knowing Wise. Fight those who do not believe in Allah, nor in the latter day, nor do they prohibit what Allah and His Messenger have prohibited, nor follow the religion of truth, out of those who have been given the Book, until they pay the tax in acknowledgment of superiority and they are in a state of subjection. And the Jews say: Uzair is the son of Allah; and the Christians say: The Messiah is the son of Allah; these are the words of their mouths; they imitate the saying of those who disbelieved before; may Allah destroy them; how they are turned away! They have taken their doctors of law and their monks for lords besides Allah, and (also) the Messiah son of Marium and they were enjoined that they should serve one Allah only, there is no god but He; far from His glory be what they set up (with Him). They desire to put out the light of Allah with their mouths, and Allah will not consent save to perfect His light, though the unbelievers are averse. He it is Who sent His Messenger with guidance and the religion of truth, that He might cause it to prevail over all religions, though the polytheists may be averse." (9:28-33)

Here is a fundamental basis for Jihad; notice how it says "fight those who do not believe in Allah" and "may Allah destroy them". In addition, it interestingly propagates several still-used misunderstandings of the Church, as it does later, when Allah asks Jesus if he ever requested for he and his mother to be worshiped "alongside God". This hiccup is due in part to the fact that Islam does not consider Christ divine, and so takes issue with the worship of Christ, but the alleged worship of Mary is unfounded and quite at random. (within the second Surah, there is also a line of thought that smacks strongly of predestination)

Then, in Surah 2 (002.111-112), we are informed that, "And they say: "None shall enter Paradise unless he be a Jew or a Christian." Those are their (vain) desires. Say: "Produce your proof if ye are truthful." Nay,-whoever submits His whole self to Allah and is a doer of good,- He will get his reward with his Lord; on such shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve."

Again, we are not informed precisely how the good Muslim is supposed to say "Produce your proof" when he, Abdul Doe, is not capable of producing his own proof.
And though the latter half of the sentence implies something reasonable, it is worth examining what exactly Islam means by "whoever submits his whole self to Allah and is a doer of good". As we have been informed, in the past, a "doer of good" by one definition is quite different from "a doer of good" by another. The entire latter portion of the paragraph is drenched in ambiguity.

Then, in 002.120, we are informed: "Never will the Jews or the Christians be satisfied with thee unless thou follow their form of religion. Say: "The Guidance of Allah,-that is the (only) Guidance." Wert thou to follow their desires after the knowledge which hath reached thee, then wouldst thou find neither Protector nor helper against Allah."

Allah, it appears, is dead-set against Judaism and Christianity; and apparently both Judaism and Christianity is dead-set against Allah. In fact, the three are so opposed to one another that, apparently, this is necessary:

"Fight in the cause of Allah those who fight you, but do not transgress limits; for Allah loveth not transgressors. And slay them wherever ye catch them, and turn them out from where they have turned you out; for tumult and oppression are worse than slaughter; but fight them not at the Sacred Mosque, unless they (first) fight you there; but if they fight you, slay them. Such is the reward of those who suppress faith. But if they cease, Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful. And fight them on until there is no more Tumult or oppression, and there prevail justice and faith in Allah; but if they cease, Let there be no hostility except to those who practise oppression." (002.190)

The Religion of Peace indeed. And how, I ask, is "no more tumult or oppression" achieved, most often? Let us recall the tribe of Jews, and how all of the men there were beheaded, save those who converted to Islam.

IV. Jihad -- As we saw in gems such as the previous few excerpts from the Koran, violence is not unknown in the Koran. Jihad itself is often written as "striving in the way of Allah" or "fighting for Allah". Certain paragraphs calling for jihad can be found in verses such as 9.29--

"Fight those who believe not in Allah nor the Last Day, nor hold that forbidden which hath been forbidden by Allah and His Messenger, nor acknowledge the religion of Truth, (even if they are) of the People of the Book, until they pay the Jizya with willing submission, and feel themselves subdued..."

The Koran, interestingly, is unclear (perhaps deliberately so) in whether jihad is acceptable merely in defense of Islam or in all circumstances.
Then, in 8:56--

"Prophet! Rouse the believers to wage war. If there are twenty amongst you, patient and persevering, they will subdue two hundred: if a hundred, they will subdue a thousand of the disbelievers: for these are a people without understanding."

In 8.60--

"Muster against them all the men and cavalry at your disposal so that you can strike terror into the enemies of Allah and of the believers and others beside them who may be unknown to you, though Allah knows them. And remember whatever you spend for the cause of Allah shall be repaid to you. You shall not be wronged."

In 4.76--

"Those who believe, fight in the cause of Allah, and those who disbelieve, fight in the cause of Satan. So fight you against the friends of Satan. Ever feeble indeed is the plot of Satan."

Now, in fairness, Islamic law does forbid fighting within the holy month. And also in fairness, if they are attacked within the holy month, they are supposed to retaliate with equal measure. Considering the Koran previously called for the slaying of those who attack ("until they cease" and whatnot), "equal measure" strikes me as being a flexible sort of rule....more like guidelines, anyway...

And, yes, everyone--these excerpts are from the holy book of the "Religion of Peace".

V. Islam, Men and Women -- Modern Islam is often lambasted for its treatment of women--honor killings predominantly, and then occasionally something like this. But is this truly supported by the Koran? Let's take a quick look.

" If any of your women are guilty of lewdness, Take the evidence of four (Reliable) witnesses from amongst you against them; and if they testify, confine them to houses until death do claim them, or Allah ordain for them some (other) way." 004.015

Ignoring the fact that when Mohammed's former child bride Aisha was accused of indecency and he miraculously had a vision proclaiming her innocence, this is interesting, isn't it? I mean, being confined until death doesn't seem very merciful to me...given that Allah is all-merciful, after all. Not to mention "some other way" is not particularly clear, and could mean anything. But wait--what's that? There's a similar law for men, you say?

" If two men among you are guilty of lewdness, punish them both. If they repent and amend, Leave them alone; for Allah is Oft-returning, Most Merciful." 004.016

Isn't that special? There are several facts which make these cases extremely unequal.
First, in the first case it deals almost entirely with one woman, who is presumably guilty of lewdness and will be locked up until she dies. In the second case, it says "if two men", indicating, well...two men. Presumably this is a reference to sodomy, but in spite of this fact, they are allowed to be left alone if they "repent and amend". The unnamed woman of the first case is not even given an opportunity to go free after repenting--assuming she was even guilty in the first place.

Then there's always violence against women. No Koranic basis? Well, actually...

"Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and scourge them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High, Exalted, Great." 004.034

I looked at a few different translations of this verse just to be sure. "scourge them" is also translated as "beat them" and "beat them (lightly)". It is not made clear if "(lightly)" was in the original, or if it was "implied".

"Ye will not be able to deal equally between (your) wives, however much ye wish (to do so). But turn not altogether away (from one), leaving her as in suspense. If ye do good and keep from evil, lo! Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful." 004.129

At this point, I've been making my way through Surah 4 of the Koran, and thus far every single entry about women is, well...about them, not to them. Is there a place in Islam for women? Who can tell?

" And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husband's fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers or their brothers' sons, or their sisters' sons, or their women, or the slaves whom their right hands possess, or male servants free of physical needs, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex; and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O ye Believers! turn ye all together towards Allah, that ye may attain Bliss." 024.031

Is this as creepy as I think it is? When someone says "display their beauty except to their husband" the LAST thing that I want to read after that is a reference to their fathers, and especially appearing that way in front of their fathers, husbands' fathers, sons, etc. etc.
Also, please note "male servants free of physical needs"--nothing like castration to lighten up your holy book, eh?

VI.The Religion of Peace Unmasked -- What first prompted me to write this essay was reading an article by a fairly well-known Catholic on Islam and Christianity. Among other things, a facet of Islam "worth being reminded of" was called the sacredness of family and hospitality. But upon examining the evidence--the Koran itself, and Mohammed--does Islam, at its core, really contain any particular sacred family values? Does it truly call for hospitality? Does it, as was later added in this article, maintain a desire for charity and justice? I am sure--absolutely sure--that there are many good people who are, or at least consider themselves, Muslim. However, the fact remains that failure to comply with the Koran--including the part about a man receiving twice the inheritance of his sister, and the part about imprisoning a woman for life, and the part about refusing to socialize with non-Muslims, and the part about waging jihad--is tantamount to heresy. The simple, sad fact still shows that if every Muslim complied with every teaching of the Koran and acted like Mohammed, under the law of the United States they would probably be doing fifty to life.

Now, if anyone's looking for me, I'll be making crank calls to Rosie O'Donnell's house. Radical Christians, you know...

God bless!