I now pronounce you husband and robot.

From Yahoo News:

TOKYO – Almost everyone stood when the bride walked down the aisle in her white gown, but not the wedding conductor, because she was bolted to her chair. "At least they let me have my arms free of that nasty jacket this time, heeheehee!"

The nuptials at this ceremony were led by "I-Fairy," a 4-foot (1.5-meter) tall seated robot with flashing eyes and plastic pigtails. So even their robot-preacher is female. Huh... Sunday's wedding was the first time a marriage had been led by a robot, according to manufacturer Kokoro Co. Oh yeah? Well, I want a robot that will talk like G.K Chesterton! I want it to spout Chesterton quotes at random times and analyze scenes in movies and books that are contrary to Church teaching.

"Please lift the bride's veil," the robot said in a tinny voice, waving its arms in the air as the newlyweds kissed in front of about 50 guests. I'm just picturing Tom Servo, here...

The wedding took place at a restaurant in Hibiya Park in central Tokyo, where the I-Fairy wore a wreath of flowers and directed a rooftop ceremony. Wires led out from beneath it to a black curtain a few feet (meters) away, where a man crouched and clicked commands into a computer. Ah-HA! Caught! So it's not a REAL sentient android!

Japan has one of the most advanced robotics industries in the world, with the government actively supporting the field for future growth. Industrial models in factories are now standard, but recently Japanese companies are making a push to inject robots into everyday life. *hums the theme song from the Jetsons*

Honda makes a walking child-shaped robot, "She just won't warm up to me!" and other firms have developed them to entertain the elderly or play baseball. That was on an episode of the Twilight Zone. Kokoro, whose corporate goal is to "touch the hearts of the people," also makes giant dinosaur robots for exhibitions and lifelike android models that can smile and laugh. Do any of them have a yellow cat named Spot? The company is a subsidiary of Sanrio Co., which owns the rights to Hello Kitty and other Japanese characters. I've got it--a Hello Kitty Terminator! Shaped like a Hello Kitty, only about three feet high...but absolutely deadly with semi-automatic rifles hidden inside.

"This was a lot of fun. I think that Japanese have a strong sense that robots are our friends. Those in the robot industry mostly understand this, but people mainly want robots near them that serve some purpose," said bride Satoko Inoue, 36, who works at manufacturer Kokoro. Like the vacuuming robot! I remember that one...scared the cats, too.

"It would be nice if the robot was a bit more clever, but she is very good at expressing herself," said new husband Tomohiro Shibata, 42, a professor of robotics at the Nara Institute of Science and Technology in central Japan. "So I went to take a vacation yesterday and I told Jeff I was leaving for the weekend and he went 'oh, then I'm going golfing next weekend' and I said that wasn't good and then we got into a huge fight and I got really mad but then we made up and went to Aunt Barbara's wedding, where Tim--do you know Tim? Well, Tim..."

The I-Fairy sells for about 6.3 million yen ($68,000) and three are in use in Singapore, the U.S. and Japan, according to company spokeswoman Kayako Kido. It has 18 degrees of motion in its arms, and mainly repeats preprogrammed movements and sounds. I want a robot that will sing La Traviata at random points in the day. Is that too much to ask?

Wait a minute--I've got it! You know how sometimes the altar boys just can't seem to use the thurible correctly? Well, I've got the solution for you-- I-Thurifer! Astounding new technology has moved into religious services to deliver a smooth-swinging thurible at all times, spreading incense evenly throughout the Church. No longer will you have to see little short puffs barely escaping from the thurible, no!--not with I-Thurifer! Now, pre-programmed sensors inside the robot will carefully detect the proper amount of force needed to swing the thurible, calculate the proper distance between the chains to produce a pleasing scent throughout the Church. Now at a NewChurch (tm) near you!
...well, it was worth a shot, wasn't it?...wasn't it?...
Oh, bother.