They're back...

We all know them.

They are everywhere.

They're in the supermarket, bagging your groceries.

They're at your birthday parties, screaming for you to give them a hug and my goodness, how big you've gotten!

They're that kid sitting two chairs down from you in class.

They are everywhere.

They cannot be recognized simply walking down the street. You hardly know what they are until you're so far entangled in a conversation that you can't extract yourself. Sometimes, it gets to the point that you see them across a crowded room and hightail it for the exit--or at least under a nearby table. They are terrors to all--or at least, most--who know them.

You know what I'm talking about. We all know at least one.

Yes, my dear friends. I'm talking about the TOXIC EMOTION VAMPIRE.
(cue eerie violin music in the background)

Everyone knows someone who requires a lot of energy to talk to. The kind of person that simply drains energy out of you; even if you like this person to begin with, you still try to avoid spending long periods of time with them. These are just plain old emotion vampires. Getting "bitten" by one is generally exhausting, but not harmful. However, it is worth noting that there are very few non-toxic EV (hereafter NTEV).

Most EVs are toxic, hence TEV. They not only drain the energy out of you, they also make you feel very sick and exhausted afterward. This builds resentment as well. Instead of being just flat-out exhausted, you are annoyed, irritated AND exhausted. Getting "bitten" by a TEV is poisonous.

TEVs would be toxic even if they weren't EVs. Sometimes, it's very difficult to recognize a TEV--sometimes you don't even realize it until after the fact--after the "vampire" has "fed". (Lucy Westenra certainly never had that problem)

One important thing to remember when dealing with someone that you suspect to be a TEV is that TEVs, as a general rule, are very accustomed to getting their way, and will do whatever they can to get it. They are, more often than not, very sly, seemingly courteous, occasionally charismatic and always manipulative.

TEVs tend to be real Alpha-kind of personalities; very dominant, and often give the impression of being a real authority figure even if they have no authority in the matter at all. Although at first they will seem to be good, solid, often passionate people, they will (9/10) not take other people and other peoples' contributions seriously, and often try (and sometimes succeed) in making other people, whether in opinion or work, conform to the TEV's ideal.

TEVs tend to seek out work involving lots and lots of people and emotions. Or just a few people, and extra emotions. They seem to absolutely relish the baring of souls, the exposed, deep, inner emotions. They are the ones who, instead of sitting with you silently while you sob because they know the only thing they can do to help is to be there, will offer all sorts of solutions that aren't remotely applicable and ask you lots of questions about why you feel this way and deliberately provoke additional emotional responses. In the world of TEVs, there is soul-baring without the heart, emotional breakdowns without a soul. There are emotions and deep, secret stories--but they don't belong to actual human beings. There are emotions for the sake of being...emotions.

TEVs will, more often than not, try to get something deeply personal out of you. Don't let them. They are used to getting deeply personal information out of people with whom they have no real relationship, and, as a result, these feelings which belong to real people are almost cheapened.

The only problem with all of this? Usually, you can't see any of it until after it has already happened. I know several TEVs myself, and, thank God, I was never attacked by their emotionally-hungry fangs (well, actually, I was attacked...but I prevailed). But I have had to watch many, many well-meaning people fall prey to TEVs, and it irritates me to no end.

The moral of the story--learn to recognize TEVs, and try to avoid them when you can. Having a toxic friend of any kind is bad, but having a toxic emotion vampire for a friend is even worse. Having toxic friends, especially TEV friends, is always unhealthy. Think about it--have you ever had a really toxic friend who was just the loveliest person ever and made you feel all warm and fuzzy inside? I know I haven't, and I've run into my fair share of TEVs.

Friends are supposed to support you, comfort you, and just be there when you're hurt. Chances are, with a toxic friend, they'll never find out that you are capable of being hurt at all--because you are like a body with emotions, but not a soul that is capable of being truly, deeply hurt. Betrayal by someone who is supposed to be one of your friends does hurt--but chances are, the TEV will not care.

Stock up on your wooden stakes. Free yourself from the grasp of a toxic emotion vampire. You'll never be sorry.

The Art of Dictatorship

You might think that this is an odd title to put on a blog posting. It is. But that's precisely what it is about. For the sake of ease, I will use a fictional country and fictional individuals instead of drawing from actual events.

Our country is Tairan. Tairan is a democratic republic, or was. They have a new prime minister. (do republics have prime ministers?) This is an ambitious fellow who's captivated everyone, even though some are wary of him, and he has his own agenda. But there's a problem--although he possesses the power, theoretically, to implement the changes he wants, it would certainly not look very good and make his detractors angry. So the PM, who has a dominant personality, decides to start a committee. He's not, by any means, a dull PM, so he decides that he needs to handpick people--people that will look good on a committee, but people whose personalities are less dominant and who will accept his authority over all.

So he picks a committee of about twelve. They're all pretty decent people, but are a product of their system, it seems. They're quite taken in by his personality, as he's an affable chap (or so it seems), and agree gladly to help out with whatever they can.

Escaping the minds of most of the committee, as the meetings progress, is that even if they did offer alternative suggestions, it wouldn't matter because the PM has already decided exactly what was going to happen. The PM acts as if they all came to that conclusion--and most of the committee members agree on it. The ones who don't are in the minority, and thus are fairly insignificant. This allows the PM to do almost anything he wants--because he can say that the committee agreed to it.

So time passes, and the PM can all but get away with murder--because "the committee decided that..."

And, of course, to keep any sentiments of frustration at bay, he repeatedly soothes their ego and tells them how much he needs them all in order for the system to work. And he is believed.

This is, of course, a manner of very skillfully implementing absolutely anything that the PM (or whomever) desires. It lets this committee feel useful, even though their purpose is to do...nothing at all. Well, that's not entirely true. Their purpose is to agree with the PM.

In that way, a dictator can easily become firmly rooted into a system--pulling the strings of all his officers, making his own will reality.

Of course, only certain people can get away with this--(and even when they do, usually there's one or two people who can still see through it from within)--usually individuals with a certain personal charisma, but sometimes all it takes is the facsimile of caring. And, of course, individuals who can be misled fairly easily.

These are the petty, every-day dictators; chances are likely that they will never try to take over the world or exterminate an entire ethnic or religious group. But the quirks, the mannerisms are there all the same.

Personalities are not, of course, easily categorized as simply 'dominant' and 'passive'. A very quiet person may have one of the most stubborn personalities ever recorded on earth, but it would not quite be known. Similarly, there are some who are extroverts, appearing dominant but bending and stretching to appease when challenged.

These every-day dictators (EDD) are altogether too common--people constantly vying for control over everything they can, and reacting with unpleasant surprise when someone's will does not mesh with their own. Some even seem personally offended when another person has a differing opinion, even if it is not voiced offensively or even remotely combatively. EDDs can be found in every corner of the earth, in every imaginable occupation. There is no escaping them.

Being afflicted by an EDD is, in some ways, comparable to being poor Lucy Westenra. Unfortunately, EDDs are not allergic to garlic, crucifixes or wooden stakes (though I'll grant you that a wooden stake would "take care" of just about anybody). They do, however, have a strong dislike of conflict--not in a peace-loving way, but because a conflict of ideas is unthinkable.

Being an EDD does not automatically mean being an opponent of good, of course--some EDDs truly believe they are doing good, even if they are (unconsciously) making people miserable around them.

EDDs also contribute to stress levels, sometimes causing them to rise exponentially. They may find ways of slithering in to most of your life, and try to manipulate your emotions. They might fool dozens of people, much to the chagrin of the few who can see their EDD-ish tendencies. Some victims of EDDs even start having recurrent dreams about the EDD, awakening in the middle of the night stressed and exhausted.

Is there an EDD in your life?