Michael Moore has been transported to Middle-Earth and is now being employed by Comrade Denethor to try to defuse the situation with Sauron. The following was sent via foot messenger:
Dear Sauron the Great, Saruman the Wise, et al.,
Recently it has come to my attention that you have been sieging various protests, boldly standing up for your beliefs in this oppressive world. I can say wholeheartedly that I sympathize greatly with you. It's no wonder that you are frustrated and concerned; for years you have been oppressed and stifled by those old men who maintain repressive policies, citing "dark forces" and "shadows" to the point of hiding property that is rightfully yours! Moreover, I can say without fear that most certainly your frustration with the Elves is understandable; I, too, have often wondered why they maintain their regime of sitting up in towers with lavish clothes, statues and ancient swords, when it could all be sold and used to buy food for the poor. Indeed, even your irritation with the descendants of Numenor is understandable; in the past we have acted unfairly--waging war upon you when it should have been obvious that a dialogue needed to be set up, and I am attempting to do so now.
We understand that you and the Orcs are indeed very angry; by all accounts it is justified. The knights of Minas Tirith have commited great atrocities in the past, for which they should be held accountable. They are extremely simple-minded war fighters. We've wronged you greatly in the past, and now we understand the error of our ways. We are willing to communicate with you and engage in a constructive dialogue if you will please call off the sieges and keep your armies from catapulting the bodies of the dead knights over the walls.
I do hope, Lord Sauron, that you will take this opportunity to engage in a dialogue between our two peoples, and to campaign for CHANGE in the world of Middle-Earth.
Sincerely,
Michael Moore
The foot messenger was promptly returned to Minas Tirith in several different pieces.
2 comments:
Another Celestine classic.
The increasing ridiculousness of Michael Moore's actions and views in recent years are a sign of his increasing desperation.
Thanks TH2!
Yes, Michael Moore appears to be rapidly becoming aware of his own mortality and, as a result, seems to be attempting to secure that people will remember him in times gone by--even if only by the sheer absurdity of his "actions".
At least, that's my theory.
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